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Open Letter to my 50-year-old Body

Dear 50-year old Body,

We've been together for almost a year now so I think it's time we have a little review. I think we normally communicate pretty well with each other but there are a couple of things that I think we need to talk about. Especially about a couple of things that well, frankly, you sort of surprised me with.

  1. Joint aches and pains

  2. Hot flashes

  3. Gravity

  4. Freckles no longer looking like freckles (read: age spots)

I don't have an issue with lines or wrinkles because I've earned those and they're pretty much indicitive of lots of laughing. Except the "11sie", but that's my issue not yours. Let's address the list point-by-point.

  1. Joint aches and pains: What's up with this? This is completely new. I realize that as we age, the synovial fluid in our joints lessen, the bursas decrease and tissue connections lose hydration. But it was my understanding that this happened over time, not all in one week sometime in January. Since I ride the bike and do yoga and use the therapy balls and move a lot, this should much less of an issue. I would ask that you please ratchet down the achey morning wakeup in the knees. And when you get a chance, please answer, why do this in January?

  2. Hot flashes: When will this stop? Other stuff has stopped so it would follow that this would also stop. Please. Stop it now. Hold on...wait...I'm having one now...I need to stop typing immediately and get up to remove three layers of clothing (because it's winter now, and despite the 78 seconds of furnace-like heat you are now providing, the rest of the time I'm cold). I do this so my sweat-soaked clothes don't cause hypothermia as both they and I rapidly cool. Please finish up with this ASAP. Seriously, I'm getting tired of outfit changes.

  3. Gravity: I realize this is technically not your fault. But, anything you could do to fight a little harder against it would be greatly appreciated. We can collaberate on this.

  4. Freckles are cute. Age spots are not. Please go back to the former melanin fabrication of freckles.

These are four things I think you can improve upon. That said, there is a crapload of stuff you do really well. You respond well to stress (physical and mental), you've mostly maintained your metabolism--although there has definitely been a little slow down in that area--you are also excellent at processing. I love how you get stronger when I make physical demands on you--warning: get ready, because it's going to be a whirlwind until August. All your automated systems are working in concert really well, electrical, congnitive, structural, fluids. Everything seems to be mostly in order. Overall, I think we'll be moving forward into our 51st year together with a lot of success. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

I guess I'd like to end by saying how grateful I am for your ability to take care of me when I ask. So thanks!

With lots of love,


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